1. "We're in the Appalachian Mountains."
No. We weren't. We were in Southwest Oklahoma. And they were just really tall hills.
2. "I love my candy. Isn't that right, tum-tum?"
Because it's always appropriate to talk to your stomach.
3. "Are we in Michigan?"
Nope. Again, we were in Southwest Oklahoma.
4. "He looks like Abe Lincoln."
I will admit. He did look like Abe Lincoln.
5. "Let her distribute the drugs."
Because she's a nurse, and you're not.
6. "Oh my gosh, girl. You stepped on my Oreos. Walk-away."
Don't mess with her Oreos.
7. "He looks like my cousin Karen."
I won't tell Karen.
8. "I'm glad this isn't the Grand Canyon."
Me too, kid. Me too.
9. "I just had a couple candies off the floor."
I really, really hope it was just candy.
10. "That's not mine. I don't brush my teeth."
Thanks for letting me know.
11. "I should get up. And then go lay down."
Sponsoring is tiring.
12. "Hey. Did that monkey take a selfie. I'm awesome at selfies. Probably better than monkeys."
What.
13. "I'd rather get drunk on Pixie Stix than sit in circles."
I'm still going to make you sit in a circle.
14. "Kitchen Cleaning is awful."
Yes.
15. "There will be no pants dropping on the mountain."
Yes ma'am.
16. "Whatever floats his boat. Or his balloon."
Too many balloons at Jr. Camp.
17. "I drank seven Mountain Dews."
Said camper. On the way home from camp.
