Find the Light-Switch

I was hesitant to write this. Actually, I wrote it a while ago, but was hesitant to post it. However, things have happened recently, and I keep getting a tug at my heart that I should post it. 

When a celebrity commits suicide, people tend to become experts in suicide prevention. People begin to know all the warning signs. They know all the "right things to say". They know all the "right things not to say". But I have a feeling those same people don't know that the very person sitting right next to them is suffering from the same thoughts and feelings that the celebrity once was, and when they do realize, it's either too late or they become afraid of how to deal with it. 

I don't want to make this post about preventing or dealing suicide or depression. There's plenty of those. I want to be an encouragement to everyone and anyone. I want to provide words that I wish I had heard a few years ago, and still need to hear every once in a while. 

Dear ______, 

You are wonderful, even if you don't want to believe it. Whatever it is that is making you feel dark will eventually pass, even if it doesn't feel like it. People will love you, even if you feel unloveable. 

In sixth grade, I watched a movie about a girl who did not feel worthy enough to compete in the National Spelling Bee, even though she was an incredibly fantastic speller. Somewhere in the movie, she was reminded of something I believe we are all to be reminded of:

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not be be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same." -Marianne Williamson

Often, we feel as if we aren't good enough. No matter what we do, we will never be the person we need to be for others around us, which is scary. We allow ourselves to feel this way, and the feelings become deeper and more negative. 

But then our feelings change. We accept that we are not going to be good, and we become afraid that once we do, it won't be what we want. And we grow accustomed to this and don't want to let our lights shine in our own darkness.

But why not? Because the world tells us that we aren't good. 

The world did not make us. The world does not control our light. 

"We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us..."

God, not the world, makes us beautiful. God, not the world, makes us talented. God, not the world, makes us fabulous. God, not the world, wants us to be a light. But first, we need to be our own light. 

I understand how hard it is to break away from darkness, and I'm still learning.

Don't break away from those who love you. Even if you don't want to hurt them. Maybe you'll be lucky and find a friend that, no matter how hard you try to convince them otherwise, won't let you go. 

It will take time, but I believe you will get through this. You will find the light-switch and become a light in your own world. Do not give up on yourself. 

#ThingsHeardAtJrCamp

This past week, I had the opportunity to be a sponsor for the Beckham-Mills Association Junior Camp for 3rd-6th Graders. This was my 3rd time to go as a sponsor, but it was also the most interesting. I decided to keep a list of funny/clever/weird things that the kiddos or adults said at camp. Some of them need explanation, but some are just better by themselves.

1. "We're in the Appalachian Mountains."
 No. We weren't. We were in Southwest Oklahoma. And they were just really tall hills.

2. "I love my candy. Isn't that right, tum-tum?"
Because it's always appropriate to talk to your stomach.

3. "Are we in Michigan?"
Nope. Again, we were in Southwest Oklahoma.

4. "He looks like Abe Lincoln."
I will admit. He did look like Abe Lincoln.

5. "Let her distribute the drugs."
Because she's a nurse, and you're not.

6. "Oh my gosh, girl. You stepped on my Oreos. Walk-away."
Don't mess with her Oreos.

7. "He looks like my cousin Karen."
I won't tell Karen.

8. "I'm glad this isn't the Grand Canyon."
Me too, kid. Me too.

9. "I just had a couple candies off the floor."
I really, really hope it was just candy.

10. "That's not mine. I don't brush my teeth."
Thanks for letting me know.

11. "I should get up. And then go lay down."
Sponsoring is tiring.

12. "Hey. Did that monkey take a selfie. I'm awesome at selfies. Probably better than monkeys."
What.

13. "I'd rather get drunk on Pixie Stix than sit in circles."
I'm still going to make you sit in a circle.

14. "Kitchen Cleaning is awful."
Yes.

15. "There will be no pants dropping on the mountain." 
Yes ma'am.

16. "Whatever floats his boat. Or his balloon."
Too many balloons at Jr. Camp.

17. "I drank seven Mountain Dews."
Said camper. On the way home from camp.

The 11 Things I Learned at College

Today, I enrolled for my sophomore year of college. 237 days ago, I moved across the state into an unfamiliar atmosphere. To say I was scared would be an understatement. I had plenty of friends and family that advised me on what my first year of college would be like, but there are somethings that you can only learn by experience and by yourself.


1. Go through the orientation process.
This is the best way to learn about the campus and to meet upperclassmen and professors. You get to have a first week of college without having to actually do school work. There will also be crazy and sentimental traditions that you could participate in. This is also the way to meet new friends.
However, you may never talk to your new "Welcome Week" friends again. But that's okay. By the end of the week, you will feel more comfortable with the place you are in.

2. Go to class and do your homework.
So. You were the Valedictorian of your graduating high-school class. That does not automatically mean that you will succeed in college. It means almost nothing. A high school teacher once told me that the worst part about straight-A students is that they don't want to do the work, but they still expect the A. 
In college, if you don't do the work, you may not even get a B.

3. Dorms are not terrible.
They provide a bed to sleep in. 
The people living on your hall are the people you will have to live with for a long period of time. So get to know them. Be respectful of them. 
I was warned to not be friends with just my hallmates. But these people obviously didn't meet my hallmates. 




4. Having a major can be the best or worst thing. 
This is the thing that could possibly define you and how people interact with you. 
"Oh. You're a music major. You must be so talented."
"Oh. You're a psychology major. What does my dream mean?"
"Oh. You're undeclared. That's okay. You have plenty of time to decide."
"Oh. You're a nursing major. I heard that not many people make it through, and you're always busy, and you don't have any fun. Good Luck! But first, do you have any medicine I could take?"
You will consider changing your major, and if you are like me, you will consider changing your major at least 5 times a week. But that's okay.

5. There is no point in complaining about the cafeteria food.
It's not the best food. But it's food. And if you have a meal plan, it's already paid for. 

6. Invest in a good pair of headphones.
Some nights, you don't want to listen to people talking loudly, and if you have to watch a film for a class, you won't have to bother your roommate. 

7. Don't spend all your money.
If you spend it all, you won't have any left. It's pretty self-explanatory.

8. Find friends in your classes.
This will make it easier to go to class. This will make it easier to study for tests. This will just in general, make it easer.

9. Do Not Procrastinate.
Your professors will give you a syllabus at the beginning of the semester with most, if not all, of your due dates and test dates. Yet, you will probably still wait until the night before the big project due to actually do it. And you will regret it. 
So in order to relieve stress, don't procrastinate. 

10. Go home every once in a while.
This will make your family happy. It will probably make you happy, too. On the other hand, don't go home every weekend, unless it absolutely necessary.

11. Make time for yourself.
This was advice my advisor gave me after she saw what my schedule was this semester. I'm still learning to do this. 

The FFA Jacket.

The weirdest part about packing for college was not packing my FFA Jacket. In almost all of my major trips, that jacket was always the first thing I packed. But for the past 8 months, my jacket has been hanging in my closet at home. 
If I could write a letter to my FFA jacket:

Dear FFA Jacket,

I zipped you up for the first time in September 2008. I had seen other people wearing something like you, but I just thought you were a key part to a uniform that I would only wear while dealing with animals. 

Then it began.

You were with me for every livestock show, every speech contest, every CDE Contest.

You helped me serve the community, and you were there when others served me.

You were there for every award I won and every award I didn't win.


You went with me to Indianapolis for 5 times. Two of those times, you were there when I played with the National FFA Band.

For three years, you proudly wore a "State FFA Chorus" pin.

You influenced the hundreds of articles I wrote and the thousands of pictures I took.


You helped me develop leadership skills.

You were there for many laughs, many stories, and many tears.

You were used for warmth on cold days. 

You were with me when I received my State FFA Degree.

You've sat with me for long hours in the Ag Truck.

You've made new friends with me.

You've helped me support my fellow peers with all of their endeavors. 

You represented me, my town, and my state.

You've witnessed much more than I can imagine, and you can tell a story unlike any other.

I unzipped you for the last time in May 2013, and now you hang in my closet at home. I will leave you there in hopes that one day, my brother or my children will go snooping in my closet and find you. I will tell them all my favorite stories of you. 

Thank you for being the one thing I could always depend on being there.


Sincerely, 
Me.